Today a Cinnamon Roll

Today was to be the day about May 2023. Today was to be the day I went skiing with a friend. Today I wanted a cinnamon roll.

Today was to be a skiing day with one of my Mom friends, but yesterday afternoon, we had already decided to wait for a better day. The ski area has received more than 4 feet of snow this past week, so it would be grand if it were not for the low temps and high winds. Not feeling the need to prove ourselves anymore, we said we’d have coffee/tea in the morning together and skip skiing.

Last evening, my sister in law texted that our Aunt Virginia had died. I went to bed thinking of her and that the first time I had really gotten to spend any time with her was when she was one of my third grade teachers. The reasons why is a longer post and maybe for another time. I will say that the time we missed as young kids, was made up for in these last few decades. I actually think that it was at my nephews homecoming game several years back that she attended her first football game with us. Anyway, as happens when we lose someone, we tend to recall little pieces of the lives you shared together. Sometimes, its a bit like a broken mirror and the fractures are small and reflect randomly and sometimes there’s a piece that stares right back at you.

Then this morning, my phone showed that I had missed a call and there was a voicemail. I played the message and it was from Ted’s cousin Cathy. She was calling to let me know that his Aunt Marian had passed away in November and she had just now found my number and wanted me to know. Let me preface this next part by saying that I have also lost a dear friend just not two weeks ago and so the break in my heart is already fresh. Aunt Marian might have passed two months ago, but for me it was today. You cannot feel the loss until you know something is gone – otherwise you always believe you just have to reach out to get it.

Aunt Marian was Ted’s late mother’s sister in law. She had come out to visit us in Colorado, she came to Ted’s memorial at the pond and she always sent cards. She was beautiful, had a great smile, was funny and a straight shooter. She told it honestly. And for some reason, it felt like I lost another piece of Ted when I heard the news. I spent the better part of the morning in tears with the weight of all three losses upon me.

My ski buddy texted asking where we were getting together and since I kinda felt like a fragile child, I wanted a cinnamon roll. Band aids might help a cut, but cinnamon rolls help when you need the assurance of something you grew up with. Losing so much family so quickly in this new year required dough, butter, cinnamon and sugar. (analyze the eating disfunction on your own time, cinnamon rolls rule for me). Anyway, she said she would stop by the new bakery I had suggested we meet at and just bring them to my house since I had yet to shower and be ready to leave for anywhere.

She arrived not too much later and we plated up our rolls and sat down to enjoy. I started to talk about the recent series of news and during a pause, she exclaimed that honestly, she was surprised I had Aunts to lose at my age. It’s a good friend who makes you guffaw and makes you want to flip her off when you thought you only wanted to feel sad. After that, I was feeling like I needed my roll to be warmer than it had survived on the drive from Conifer to Evergreen, so I got up, pulled out the butter dish, slapped a dollop of butter on top and slid it into the microwave. Her face lit up and she swung off of her stool to do the same thing. At least I wasn’t putting these grief pounds on alone.

If you are reading this and I haven’t told you I love you lately. I love you.

Sally

Ps. Do not fret. I don’t buy cinnamon rolls often. In fact, I’m not sure I bought any in 2023.

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