I want to thank everyone who has reached out via a message on the blog. Seeing the responses have been wonderful for me to read. Also, thank you if you texted, called, left a message, or emailed me. Please know that all forms of communication have been appreciated and please know that they touched my heart even if I wasn’t able to respond at the time and it was later buried in the avalanche of communication.
I thank you all who have hugged us in person or virtually. We feel them all.
Yesterday, I awoke before dawn and there had been a message from one of my pals who is always in charge of coffee when we travel together. so since she isn’t far from the grocery store that I needed to get to first thing, I asked if I could come over for some coffee.
I I left and walked past the remnants of the plants in the flower beds, I got weepy thinking of Ted. I got into the car and started to drive over and again something triggered a Ted thought and again I was crying. Exasperated with myself a bit as I just didn’t want to be the gal about town that always has the puffy watery eyes, I grabbed my dark sunglasses from the seat and threw them on as my best shield. Then, like some sort of magic, I immediately stopped crying. I actually giggled a little at the absurdity of it, but was happy for it all the same.
My sister called and we cried and then laughed at the dark sunglass trick too.
When I arrived at my friends house, she grabbed me and pulled me into a hug like she was fishing me out of the ocean where I had been treading water for too long and had started to flounder. I mean, metaphorically, it likely isn’t too far off, but it literally felt like that as well.
We cried some more – I had taken the magic dark glasses off, so the tears rolled. We laughed too, cause tears go with good laughs and good cries.
We just couldn’t believe that of all people, Ted would be the one to get Covid bad and die. He was healthy and he had prepared for if he was to get it. He had everything to combat it. It just wasn’t in anyone’s imagination of how Ted could some day die.
I then started to tell her that I really thought that in the end…… and I paused to get the words straight in my mind, and I was choking up again because it’s just so hard to think or talk about losing someone. I could see in her face that she was trying to think of the end of the sentence that I couldn’t quite get out. I finally put it together and said that I really thought that if Ted were to ever died, it would be because I killed him, not covid. She busted a gut because she has known us through all of our marriage and has even worked for us when we worked together. She knows how much we loved each other but could also get on each other’s nerves if we tried. I guess the message was really, this was just inconceivable and unfathomable.
More friends stopped over during the day, Ciara and Galen came up and Devin was here, and even more people stopped by, and it was a love filled day.
Today looks to be more of the same as I get together with the friends that have known both Ted and I from before we were even married. More hugs, more tears, more stories, more laughter. I’m grateful for it all and everyone.