I don’t always read the notes in Ted’s file from the Drs or nurses. I tend to prefer the in person interpretations over the cold words on a paper (in a digital document actually). I prefer to look the person in the eyes and search for hope there.
I also spend a good amount of time looking up what words actually mean when I do decide to read a report. I mostly have the general idea of many of the definitions, but still, I get curious as to if a word actually means what I think it does.
Take moribund for instance, it seems like such an odd term. Honestly, if I just say it in my head, it sounds more like a Victorian name for a little girl or a crotchety old aunt. It could be a happy little name: “Look at little miss Moribund, she picked all of the dahlias from the side garden” or in a more exasperated tone, “Honestly Aunt Moribund, we don’t have to invite everyone in who knocks on the door”.
Needless to say, my versions are easier to contemplate than the actual meaning of ” being in the state of dying“.
The same report also used the term Purulence. Which, if I was just to guess on that one, it sounds like the description of a gem or opal or pearl or something. Maybe how it shimmers in natural light. ” Her pearl earings had the purulence of a calm lake on a moonlit night”. But no, it is really just another way to say ‘condition of containing or forming pus’. Eww
These terms were in the report of his bronchoscopy from yesterday. I had read them prior to coming into the hospital today, so when the sad songs came on the radio on the drive in, I let myself cry along. I was also curious to see what today’s bronchoscopy would result in.
The Dr. came in shortly after my arrival and said that they had taken another xray and she was curious to see how the radiologist would read it as she was a bit bias. Before I could stop myself, I asked just which way her bias ran. She assured me that her bias ran on the positive side of things when possible. She showed me the xray compared to the prior day’s and to my uneducated eyes, it looked slightly better as well. She said that she was setting up today’s bronch and would be back as soon as the respiratory therapy team came in with the equipment.
I’m on friendly terms with just about everyone on the RT team, so I stayed in the room while he set up the equipment. I lowered the blinds and positioned myself at an angle that I was out of the way, but hoping that I could still maybe be allowed to watch. Yesterday, they wouldn’t even let me wait outside the room, but I ran through all kinds of arguments to use to plead that I be allowed to view the procedure this time. Just as I had settled on which argument to use, the Dr showed up with my nurse and said: “I feel like you want to watch this one, so you may if you want”. I almost squealed with delight, and only felt the slightest bit cheated out of not being able to use my persuasion. My nurse put me right up next to the bed with a birds eye view and I got to see from start to finish. It was so cool to see the inside of his lungs – even if it was also a bit disturbing.
I went to lunch with a pal and when I returned, there were 4 people in Ted’s room and the Dr met me at the entrance to let me know that they had flipped him to his belly and just as she had predicted, it caused some distress and loosened more secretions. She ushered me away and said that I wasn’t allowed to watch this time. They then had to bronch him once more and left him on his stomach with the scope and camera still in the room because she was sure they would need to do it in a few hours.
They did come back and suctioned out a bit and again left all of the equipment in his room in case needed overnight.
He is still on 100% oxygen, so he doesn’t have much wiggle room on his settings, but he is still hanging in there.
Another win for today.