Until July, I had been blessed with having a boss who was also a good friend.
When I started working at my current job, there was a new warehouse manager. He sat across from me in a room and as we both stayed late often to get extra work done, we got to know one another pretty well.
Then a few months later, my boss(CMF) was hired. It wasn’t long until we would all go out after work and blow off some steam every now and then. Others would go, but it was the three of us that forged a bond. We shared our dreams, visions, failures and beliefs. There was nothing we couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about.
It got to a point where someone else could come into the room and remark about something and we each knew what the other was thinking.
Almost two years ago, the warehouse manager quit to find a new job. We still managed to get together – the three of us – and have epic evenings of food, beverages and discussion. We saw each other for the persons we could be – in a pure level without our mess ups and egos and histories.
Then a year ago CMF had a friend (JR) move out and got him a job in our department. We then had four for merriment.
We learned sometime this past spring that CMF and JR were moving back east as CMF’s wife and daughter had already gone back and they are to start a new business venture back there.
The timeline to leave was end of July. I didn’t care for the thought of working without them but I was ill prepared when things got so bad that neither one returned to work after the July 4th Holiday.
I knew there would be an adjustment period for work but I had no idea it would create the kind of emotional storm that it did.
We had created between us these windows where we could each see not the person who is making mistakes, but the person who we each strive to be at the center of it all. I think because we kept council for such a time without bringing in others that it allowed a focus that we don’t often get when the lens is on panorama.
I found that the mere presence of them became my security blanket. Insulating me from the cold realities of our job.
With them gone, suddenly I was a bit lost. My buffer and friends who held the lights up during those 8-10 hours each day were no longer there.
I took on more responsibility at work and gained authority there, but I somewhere lost the portion of me that could share as openly as I had been.
So, I didn’t blog and I cried. I will admit that change is hard for me and I don’t like losing people even more. I know I haven’t lost anyone for good, but I did lose the daily contact that I must have taken for granted since the absence was now so stark.
We all got together several times during July and they even all came up to the house to be with the rest of my family and me over night a few times. Great times were had, and then they were gone.
The office moved around and the new warehouse manager took CMF’s desk who was next to me and the claims guy took JR’s who was directly in front of me. I’m glad that it wasn’t others who ended up in those desks, but its not the same.
I’ve come to realize that having those guys at work whether we spoke or not, were my skinny mirrors on the wall. You know, the mirrors they put up in the dressing rooms of the expensive clothes stores so that you look thinner in all of their garb and so you buy it to feel better. They were my daily affirmations of a better side of me that I would see reflected from them and without it I questioned what others reflected or projected in some cases.
The great thing about the skinny mirror for those of us with a few extra pounds, is the reflection is better than you know the reality to be, but it gives rise to the hope of what you can be one day. They just did that for my soul, not my figure.
I hadn’t realized just how much positive energy they sent my way everyday until it was gone.
I’ve managed to get through the change and even realize that my candle doesn’t glow any less because they aren’t there to reflect it. I do miss those mirrors though.