Ted has been in the ICU since October 19th and today he got out.
He didn’t walk out with me like I had hoped, but his spirit is free from the horrid Covid and free from his ravaged body. Everything went sideways today and he just couldn’t overcome it.
My first emotion is shock followed by an overwhelming gratitude. I’ve been lucky and have thirty some years of memories to hold fast to. While I know he is gone, my mind – or maybe it’s my heart – doesn’t want to believe it. I feel like I’ll go home and he’ll be in the garden messing with his water storage system and making sure nothing will freeze in the next cold spell. He’ll be mad that we didn’t fold up the plastic for the secondary greenhouse and will comment that the heater for the bees isn’t how he wants it – but will acknowledge that at least we tried and it should work. He’ll be exasperated at why we haven’t brought more wood over and gotten it cut and split because you know we are going to get hit by cold and snow before we know it.
I also feel lost. We have been part of each other for 32 years and can’t imagine what this will be like. I am also now so use to coming to the hospital everyday and watching his care and connecting with this incredible hospital family of folks who have cared for the both of us, that I feel sad for losing them as well as Ted. Weird I know, but I do get attached to folk. (well, some I am holding onto and will definitely stay in touch with, but still.)
I’m the one use to adventures and having Ted there at home to return to. Now he has gone onto the eternal adventure and I’m left as the one at home.
It is going to take the brain trust of everyone we know just to figure out all of the contraptions and things that Ted has contrived in and around the house. I hope I can find at least some of his hidden stashes. He never much read manuals, but I sure wish he had written one to go with all the switches, hidden compartments, LED setups that are abundantly thoughout the interior and exterior of the house. This just may be the worlds next mystery.
Ted was my guy. I could bitch at him, to him, make fun of him, love him, want to kill him, make him three full coarse meals a day if we were both home, find his tools when he couldn’t remember where he set them down and threatened to buy five of whatever was missing so that he would always have the tool handy. He was my guy who could fix anything and if he couldn’t, he’d make sure it was so broken that no one could. He’s been the only guy I even ever dreamt about. I mean I have friends that have really good hot dreams with all kinds of famous people, but my hot dreams always had Ted in them.
One of my dear friends that is across country booked a flight yesterday so that she could come be with me for a while. I think some angel must have known and whispered into her ear that the time to come was now.
I’ll be around for hugs and will need lots of those and will return them as I know so many of you also need a hug because Ted wasn’t just my guy, he was lots of people’s guy and it isn’t just me that lost him today.
Ted’s body won’t be around, but Ted’s energy will always be in our midst. There will be tons of reminders for us all.
I feel like we’ll need a memorial cornhole tournament at some future date for us all to celebrate his time with us. Maybe a pig roast to go with. I don’t know, but with everyone’s help, we shall figure it out.
He’d want a party.
I want Ted.
I don’t suppose there will be a daily update now, but I’m sure thoughts will eek out and I’ll share since you have come this far with me.
Hug your loved ones today, tell them you love them, get vaxed if you haven’t already.
Thank you for being a part of his and my lives.
Love Sally
I’m on my way Sal. I’ll be there soon. Goodbye dear Ted Shred – you will be truly missed but never ever forgotten and you will always be in our hearts! 38 years and an endless supply of wonderful memories of our times together. We love ❤️ you so very much!!
Shelda & Cutter
Oh Sally, we don’t have words. But know, our hearts go out to you and the boys and our prayers continue. Love you, John & Karen
Sally we are so very sorry and wish that we could be there in person for you right now. We were so hoping that Ted would be one of the miracles and come walking out of the hospital like nothing happened but God must have other plans for him. Probably heaven is in need of a really good gardener or someone to create a water feature with a light show, or any number of inventions needed. Ted was just the life of the party and was always making people feel welcome. He was so kind to our girls and they loved to go see what new contraption he had to show them. He had a special spirit and we are so grateful to have had so many wonderful memories with you both. We will all miss him dearly but will continue to tell the stories of Ted our Nutty Professor. ❤️
Oh man, just weepy with you. What a journey…you are strong, held and watched over. I am better for knowing you, and more rich in spirit for caring for Ted/Mike.
My prayer for you Sally is this: I will pray for restoration, that life would emerge again out of darkness. I will pray that the days of disillusionment would be fewer and farther between, and that you’ll experience deep comfort in the stillness and silence you aren’t used to. I will pray that God might meet you where you are and give you the peace of heaven. I will pray that you find rhythm again, and that it creates in you a well to draw from as you learn to walk anew.
I praise God that you do not grieve today as one without hope, but as one with your eye on tomorrow. May every day be one day closer to heavens reunion.
Love to you both always. — nurse Bekah
Raise a glass to the Legendary Ted Fill. To know him was to love him. God Speed
😢❤️ I have no words right now as our hearts break for you & the boys.
Hearty hugs to you and yours, and so sorry for this loss. I know he got his miracle healing but that it was not on this side of the earthly realm and for that we grieve and struggle but work to rejoice in that wholesome heavenly arrival. I am so thankful for your writing and sharing of your daily journey and your steadfast faith. Thank you for letting us all in through your words.
Sending comforting love and prayers.
xo Michonda
Our prayers are with you and your boys. Continue to trust God and thank him for your wide abundant group of family and precious friends. We send you our love and hugs. Love Auntie Marilyn & Uncle John.
Beautifully expressed, Sally. All I can add is to say we are all in collective shock and feeling that profound sense of loss. We are with you, we are sad, but I can say that we have all been incredibly fortunate to have the two of you in our hearts and in our lives. Much love, SJ.
My dear wonderful Sally.. know I am there for you always. Ted had to be perfect to have had your heart .
Sally my heat is broken today for you and your family. I will have those hugs for you wherever they are needed.
I’m so very sorry Sally. Sending hugs and much love.
Oh no… I’m so sorry to hear this. My deepest condolences. Prayers for you and your family.
I’m so sorry Sally. Sending hugs and much love.
I am so very sorry Sally. Sending love, prayers and hugs 💔
My heart is just broken for you and your family, Sally. Everything you said about what Ted brought to you, you brought to him… your laughter, your incredible spirit, your impish smile, your love, …. I kept praying for a different end to his story, but he does live on in you, the kids and so many friends. Strong hugs and love to you!!!
Peggy