Today I came in and Ted’s mouth sores were so much better. Or maybe I should say that the bloody scabs finally succumbed to all of the meds and moisture that has been copiously applied and so they had released and in turn, he looked so so much better.
They tried to come out of the sedation a slight bit, but Ted’s body would have none of it and everything was precarious for a time again. Luckily that wasn’t when any of his visitors had been around. His lungs continue to decline and his O2 stats rapidly drop if he has any movement with his body. Even repositioning him seems to take it out of him anymore whether he is sedated like an elephant or just like a bear. Either way, he is under copious amounts of sedation (along with the paralytic) and that too takes a toll on a body.
While I have always known that this is not really in any of our hands, I am starting to feel that Ted is folding his hand in this poker game and going home with the dealer. Every time that his body is given a chance, it says Heck NO and they have to take measures to take him out of the equation once again so that the body can be made to work without his influence. It feels like somebody’s hand will be forced very soon and either he’s been holding Aces or we will know that we have all gone “all in” and have lost this game.
A friend texted me today that : If love could clear Ted’s lungs and dry my tears, I’d be on my way home.” Truer words could not be said. I get asked alot from the Doctors/nurses/staff, if I have the support around me to cope with this. I always reply that I am perhaps the most blessed person alive with all of the support that has been mounted for Ted and myself. If love and support could fix his lungs, this would have been over long ago.
As for tonight, all bets are off and hoping for a new hand tomorrow.
Than you all for your continued love and support.