March 12,2015

The past 24 hours have been a conversation with doubt.  It has been a tough week at work where changes are to be happening for the better and the folks who’s words were that they would do whatever is best for the team, had their actions speak opposite.  I have to admit I have not been gracious in thought that we cannot move forward as was previously planned.

I received an email last night from one of the airlines that I asked for sponsorship from and it was a denial of offer letter.  I don’t know that I expected them to come back with a complementary ticket, but I had hope that it would happen.  After all, if you don’t dream it, it can’t come true.

So when I went to bed last night after a hard day and disappointing news, I read the word from another person and the last sentence was, “Be gentle with yourself and others. Choose kindness.”  I cried.

I got up this morning and was still in the melancholy of the night before.  I was up early enough to get in some meditation, but for one of just a few times, I couldn’t calm my mind into the calm state of prayer.

I decided I might as well do the exercises. As I went through the weights and planks I shed the tears of doubt and uncertainty.  I was consciously questioning why I was working out if I wasn’t sure I could make it happen but also could not stop as I also cannot stop believing even through the doubt.  It is a strange thing to have tears fall as your counting repetitions and timing planks.

I made it through the workday and tonight I went to happy hour with some dear friends.

I’ll tell you the story of the “Mom’s” another time, but suffice it to say that they are the ones to supply the belief when mine is waning.  They let me vent, share, cry and most importantly laugh away the trifling matters that when shared openly are seen as the inconsequential pieces that are not deserving of the time and energy given to them.

I shan’t let the doubt remain and to the “Mom’s”,  I love you all.

I had reservations of sharing this day, but if I am to share this journey with you, then this too is part of it.  Thank you for listening too.  I should also add that I am just a bit hormonal and that is effecting the emotions as well. – truth be told.

Wilma,  I did the weights, planks, squats and pushups but had to go to Barney’s office at lunch so I missed my walk.

Love Betty