Tag Archives: on the struggle bus

It’s Hard

People have been mentioning that I haven’t been writing lately and of coarse they are correct. It was not hard to write everyday while Ted was in the hospital because I was just updating everyone on his condition and adding a segment or two of my day in as well. Now that he is gone, it’s hard to find the points that feel like people would be interested in. I mean, good things happen every day, but when I think I may write about it, it’s hard for me to sit down and formulate the words and get a story out. At the root of it, is that every story right now still has Ted interwoven into every weave and thread of the narrative and it makes me cry and so I decide I don’t want to write and just relive all of my sad moments for others to read when there is enough heartache and sadness out there in this mixed up world.

I will though, relay some info to keep the interested updated.

Currently on our immediate horizon is Galen and Ciara’s wedding on 4/5/22. Yes it is a Tuesday. It is the same date that Galen bended a knee and proposed, and it also happens to be off season and a less expensive day for the rental of the lovely Evergreen Lake House where the nuptials will occur. It is a small affair with just a few family and friends. Honestly, our input into this event has been minimal as we are all struggling mightily to face such an important day without Ted’s physical presence.

A few weeks back when I was asked to choose a song for the mother son dance, I struggled. Online suggestions included many country and western ideas, but we are more of a rock and roll family. I was texting Ted’s ICU nurses and mentioned I could use some ideas and they quickly responded with some good selections. They had after all, listened to Teds play lists for many weeks as he was in their care. I then messaged those selections to the kids and also received a thumbs up from Ciara. The following day, I called Galen to speak to him personally to see if he was indeed ok with the tune, or if I should keep looking. He suddenly needed to stop what he was doing and try to gain composure as he admitted that he hasn’t been involved in any of the music and couldn’t hardly stand to even think of it now. As he choked out the words, that every tune that he would or could think of, was all of Ted’s play lists, and it just hurt too much to think about it. He relayed that it was hard for him to even think about his own wedding sometimes. I then realized that I too had been avoiding asking about and offering input about the day. I hadn’t even seen an invitation, so, it wasn’t until Ciara’s bridal shower recently that I even thought to inquire what time the actual ceremony was at. Noon is that answer.

We are all on the struggle bus right now.

It dawned upon me last week that I had purchased a dress to wear for the wedding before Ted was hospitalized and well, being the emotional eater that I am, I may not even fit into it. I started my spring cleanse in hopes that I can drop some of those grief and stress pounds. I finally slipped it on the other night, but it has a long zipper up the back that is hard to zip two handed and with myI lack the arm flexibility to reach back there, let’s just say that I still don’t know if the dress will close.

I brought up my dilemma of not fitting into the dress last night while visiting some friends. One of them asked what kind of fiber it was woven of. She relayed, that given a natural fiber that can stretch, I could put it on and stand in the shower to wet the entire dress down, and then wear it till it is mostly dry and it would then have formed to my body. I have to giggle at that idea, but I know that I’ll look at the label now just to see if the option is there.

So, I’ll let you know how it goes after another week of low cal eating.

Love

Sally