I became profoundly aware that Betty has wicked research skills as she walked me around the island last year pointing out unique and interesting things that even residents didn’t know. However, I believe it would be remiss of me not to share with Betty the 52 years of knowledge that I have accumulated about Australia prior to her departure. The fact that I have both a daughter AND a dog named Sydney uniquely qualify me for this task, and I hope that Betty will find the depth of my knowledge of benefit as she travels down under.
- Should you encounter a Water Buffalo along the obstacle course, take these simple steps: Look the beast in the eye while humming deep in your throat like a chanting monk. Reach out with the hand-sign of the Texas Longhorns toward the buffalo’s forehead. This will subdue the beast into slumber, and you can continue the course without incident. (The classic “Rock and Roll” hand-sign will also work in a pinch.)
- Kookaburras sit in gum trees. They fancy themselves royalty, and laugh a lot. Kookaburras are gay.
- If you should find yourself glowing at any point during your trip, do not be alarmed. It is typical in the land down under for women to glow, and men plunder.
- If you should find time to refresh yourself along the banks of a large river while wearing a one-piece body thong, remember to remove your canteen! Crocodiles are forever snatching canteens from about sexy women’s necks!
- Occasionally, a man may smile and give you a Vegemite sandwich. I highly recommend that you eat it.
- Dingos eat babies.
To be continued….