Today was not what I would call a good day. I came in to more air under Teds skin on his chest, shoulders and neck – and a bit in the belly I thought as well. They took another xray and it still hasn’t collapsed his lungs or anything, so we have that going for us. It was a new Doctor to me today and she said she would come in later after rounds to look at the sores on and around his mouth, so I wasn’t shocked when she didn’t have anything to say to me during the rounds.
Everyone says she is brilliant, but for me she was brilliantly harsh.
You know how you have taken your pet to the same vet forever and that vet loves you and loves your pet, so they want to do everything they can when your pet gets gravely ill? Then one day your vet is gone and another really well respected vet comes and says that, Yes, you can continue down this road, but you may want to think about how to let your pet go and these are the options? Yep, that was the convo with this doctor today.
The stupidly prophetic thing of it was, just yesterday, I joked at Ted that if he was our pet, I would put him down. I know, not funny, but he was so pathetic looking that it came out before I could sensor myself.
I cried and everyone tried to console me. I pulled it together and talked it over a bit on my ride back to get my car ( my car had recall work done today). I told work that I was taking the afternoon and tomorrow off. I talked with my nurse who has been with me for the past several days. Yes, we are still continuing treatment and seeing if a miracle happens. Then I went down to talk to my very special nurse and we talked it over even more. The great thing about nurses is, they already know everything that is happening, they know the people involved and they know what has or hasn’t happened with cases in the past. Taking some time to vent and talk it over with them settled me down.
Well, we are not quite done talking. There is a spot next door to the hospital and well, if we happen to run into one another there to talk some more, then it will be a wonderful coincidence (wink wink). I just love that my nurses are all in cohorts to take the best care of Ted and I and are willing to head out after their shift to see me in the non-hospital setting.
I’m not giving in to the brilliant doctor just yet.
Sorry that I didn’t have a better day to share.